If I could change myself right now what would I do? I think i would be giving my website a little more attention. I would be more engaged in my reflections with my daily readings. Like today, where should I stay silent? The art of holding your tongue.
There are many instances where I should have held my tongue in life, but some of those were great learning experiences. Whether I was completely wrong in philosophy class or I was a bit offensive among friends, the result was always that sinking feeling of reflection. "Why did I say that?" It most likely came from an insecurity or some sort of misunderstanding in which i should not have been speaking in the first place.
I have always admired those who can stay silent. The silent types have passed in and out of my life's stage through a variety of roles. They always seemed more intelligent or a hidden talent which always drew me in for a challenge. I saw it a challenge to break through their silence. I wanted to get to know them. They were what i wanted to be, silent and sufficient. In every case they excelled in the role I met them playing. At school they were always reading and listening attentively in class and at work they were always on top of their tasks and not concerned with break room gossip. If I chose to walk this path, which i had tried to several times, I would be accused of being angry or depressed. I think its because i am normally an outspoken cheerful person. People usually rely on my awkward jokes and eccentric small talk.
The silent are strong and to be silent takes strength. It is a great way to build endurance in life. To choose your battles wisely and to speak when you KNOW it is necessary.